"I discovered that I was practising a form of self-medications with my procrastinating. I needed to care for my areas of low self esteem before I could work with procrastination".
Self medication is most certainly what my procrastination has become. If I keep putting off what I need to do then I don't have to deal with the enormity of it here are now.
"I am now ready to understand my procrastinating..."
Having spent my life mostly as an overachiever, it is very difficult for me to admit that I'm not entirely sure that I know what I'm doing. More to the point I think it's more difficult for me to admit that perhaps I don't want to continue to "achieve". I think since getting engaged these thoughts have only been amplified. What is so wrong about just wanting to settle down, have a home with my partner, have a job that earns me enough money to live comfortably and bring up a family? The more I think about entering into a career in the fashion industry the more I feel sick. I don't want to be continually chasing my self, fighting to be on the top of the game, taking work home with me ... having my work be my life. It's not really a question of can't be arsed but more a need for a quality of life that I worry I won't get with this kind of job.
Then reading SARK's view of accepting procrastination made me consider that it could be my own self doubt that is making me want to pack it all in. Perhaps I'm frightened I can't do it but more so I'm frightened that I haven't got the balls to take a leap of faith and find an alternative route for myself. I think it's time to start trying to accept this dissatisfaction, face up to the fact that it has to be faced and begin by making lists of alternative ideas and life plans...
"At this point I consider myself to be a recovering procrastinator".
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