My immediate reaction to reading this page and it's list of "overs" was just to dismiss what I'd being doing recently as "Christmas". Though I know if I was to be completely honest that is not strictly true. The spring term at university begins a week tomorrow and I haven't so much as even read what my Christmas assignment is yet. Of course I have been busy with travelling, visiting, revelling and generally being festive but I cannot really use that excuse now that I am back in London and both Christmas and New Years have passed.
I am procrastinating. Definitely.
SARK:"Learning to identify procrastination is an excellent first step".
SARK:"We need to learn the middle route. For years I had said that if I ever built a house I would name is "Happy Medium" just so that I could live there. I avoided the middle because I thought it was boring. Now I know that's where all the real feelings are".
This middle ground is a difficult place because of these real feelings. I find it is making me face up to some things about my general discontent regarding uni and the resulting on going battle about my career choices and what I really want out of life. I know I am putting off doing anything regarding making a decision about uni and actually doing any work because I'm not quite sure what to do at the moment - and that is quite terrifying. That'll be the "perfectionism" mentioned yesterday then.
... I think for now I just going to give myself a little slow time. Perhaps I need this bit of procrastination (which is not to say I accept it as a solution - it is not). My ever wonderful fiancée just listened to me poor my heart out (and drench her chest) before suggesting that right now and tonight might not be the optimum time to fix all my worldly woes. A better solution may be to open a bottle of wine (no alcoholism also is not a solution kids) and watch films.
The last line of today's page reads, "I will now allow myself to rest in the middle..." so for today that is exactly what I will do. I have identified my procrastination and perhaps the reasoning behind it and so for today that will do. I have not resolved the situation but am just going to rest in the middle.
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